|Rob's Moment of Truth|
|© 2013 Russ Nielsen
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Rob sat on the bed staring out the sliding glass doors at the beautiful moonrise over the waves of the Atlantic Ocean. He glanced down at the Beretta in his hand, feeling its weight. It was his favorite pistol; the one he took with him everywhere. At the moment, it wasn't loaded; but there was a full clip lying on the bed next to him. He had carefully cleaned it and put it back together earlier in the evening; before he and Rich had gone down to the beach.
Rich had stayed on the beach with a group of his friends, while Rob had returned to the condo. He hated feeling like a jealous husband when he knew he had no right to expect any fidelity or even loyalty from his young lover. They had entered into an agreement that he would fund Rich's education in return for Rich's services in his bedroom. Rich had made it very clear from the beginning that their relationship was purely a business one; and, once Rich graduated from law school, he would be moving on with his life.
Over the last four years, Rob had hoped that Rich would come to love him. In fact, they had been super close at first; almost like father and son. It wasn't the kind of relationship Rob wanted, but it was a start. Then, Rich had started to draw away from him; or at least that is how Rob viewed it. Rich was pushing against Rob's overprotectiveness. They had a big argument and Rich had laid it on the line with Rob. He had made it very clear that he didn't need another father figure in his life!
That was when Rob put all of his cards on the table. He had expressed his love for Rich, and how he wanted them to have a relationship where they could both thrive and prosper. He had admitted that he wasn't perfect and was working on his faults. He had begged Rich to be patient with him.
Rich had taken him in his arms and made passionate love to him. Rich had even told Rob that he loved him. Things got better and it seemed like Rob's dreams were coming true. He would finally have a partner who loved him for who he was; who wasn't out to save his soul from the devil. But then things started to go south on him. By the end of his last year of school, Rich's whole attitude toward him had changed. Rob was so off balance, he didn't know what was going on or where he stood with Rich. It was almost like Rich considered him an enemy instead of a lover. Last night, Rich had reiterated that the terms of their contract were fulfilled; and that he wanted to move into a relationship that wasn't based on mutually agreed upon use and abuse.
This was to be their last week together. In fact, it would be their last night together. Rich had reluctantly agreed to accompany him on this vacation. Rob had managed to convince him to come with him by setting up a condo for his buddies at the beach. Rob had watched Rich interacting with his friends all week long, and realized that Rich had never really been his. That realization had served to reinforce his decision to put an end to his misery.
Rich was laughing and having a good time with his friends when he saw Rob leave the pool area. He knew he had been pushing Rob pretty hard to change the nature of their relationship; and he was worried that he had pushed him too hard last night. He knew of Rob's bouts of depression and how fragile he seemed at times.
One of his friends, Mike, looked at Rich and said, "I think you need to follow him. He didn't look good. I think you may lose him if you don't go to him."
Rich nodded his head. "I was thinking the same thing."
"You still love him, don't you?" Mike asked.
"Yes, I do; but we can't continue the way we have been. It's not healthy for either one of us," Rich said.
"Then you need to tell him the truth, Rich. He needs to know that you love him, and that you want to be his husband. Then, let him know your thoughts about your future; and how you see your relationship changing, now that you've graduated from college and are ready to move into a career," Mike said.
"You're right, Mike," Rich said. "I guess I'd better try to repair the damage I've done." He stood up and stretched.
Mike admired his friend's perfect physique. Rob was so lucky to have this Greek god as his lover. He had tried to put the moves on Rich; but he had been rebuffed. Rich had made it clear he was already taken. "Good luck," he said.
"Thanks," Rich said, and moved toward the condo entrance.
Rich carried himself with the easy grace that comes when someone has spent a lot of time in physical training. He turned heads whenever he walked by someone; both male and female. He entered the building and walked over to the elevator bank and pushed the button. It seemed to be taking forever. He had an uneasy feeling about Rob and decided to take the stairs. He ran up them two at a time.
Rob put the gun down and stretched out on the bed. He put his hands behind his head as he contemplated his life. He grew up in a strictly religious family. His parents made it very clear that homosexuality was a sin in their eyes. However, that didn't stop him from experimenting with guys!
He'd had his first experience with a guy when he was 15 years old. He smiled at the memory of his 15 year old self attempting to give his neighbor's grandson a blowjob. Marvin was a 17 year old farm boy who had come into town to spend two weeks with his widowed grandmother. Rob had met him one night when he was out weeding the garden behind their house. He had looked through the fence and met the gaze of this big, tall kid with lanky brown hair, brown eyes, and a lopsided grin. Marvin had introduced himself and invited him to sleep over at his grandmother's house. He had agreed, and soon found himself in bed with Marvin.
Marvin had given him his first lessons in sucking a guy's cock. Marvin had also been the first guy to fuck him. Two weeks later, Marvin's brother, Wade, had traded places with Marvin. Rob and Wade were in his grandmother's basement when he confronted him with his dick, demanding to be serviced. Rob could still hear Wade's voice telling him he expected Rob to be available anytime he needed to fuck. Just thinking about the two brothers had Rob's motor going! It was pretty amazing how much power those memories had after 35 years!
Then, somehow, his parents found out what had happened between him and the neighbor's grandsons, and the next thing he knew, he was shipped off to a "camp" for boys. It was a church run facility that was used to straighten out "troubled" boys. In Rob's case, it meant therapy sessions where they strapped him into a chair and attached wires to his dick; and shocked him every time he got a hard on from looking at photographs of naked men. They said it was their way of saving him from a life of sin! There were many other vile things they did during that time to indoctrinate him. He remembered how much he hated himself for even thinking about guys.
When Rob returned home, his parents demanded that he meet with their pastor on a regular basis, to make sure he didn't deviate from their religious teachings. The pastor seemed to feel sorry for him; but he was powerless to stop what was being done to him at home. Rob's father believed in corporal punishment, and he used it often. After their discovery that he liked guys, the punishments came even more frequently than before. To make them happy, Rob participated in church youth groups, and even went on youth missions to Mexico to help preach the "gospel."
It wasn't until ten years later, at age 25, that Rob had his next sexual encounter; this time with a friend from high school. He was living in his own apartment, not far from campus, when George appeared at the door. Rob invited him inside and George told him that he was a homosexual; and thought Rob might be one as well. Rob had been totally surprised by his assertion, until George told him he had met Marvin and Wade the summer after their senior year. They had a short, but very intense, physical relationship. George disappeared from Rob's life a couple of weeks later. He later learned from George's parents that he had died of AIDS. Of course, the news had sent him into a panic! He immediately ran out and got himself tested. He'd never been as scared in his life as he had been during that time; not knowing if he was infected or not.
In fact, Rob was so freaked out by the whole experience with George; he swore off having sex with anyone! A year later, he moved to Washington, DC, and started graduate school at George Washington University. That's where he met his future wife. They were married the day after graduation. That was 22 years ago.
Rob had a mid-life crisis and he decided to leave his wife after 15 years of marriage. They hadn't had sex in over 5 years when they separated. He just wasn't attracted to her and couldn't get it up even when he tried to imagine having sex with a guy. It was very frustrating for him and even more so for her. She knew he liked guys; but thought she could save him from himself. It seemed to work for a while; but it just wasn't meant to be. Somewhere inside him, he knew he was wired to be fucked by a guy and needed it, badly!
When they parted ways, she managed to take sole custody of the children and worked very hard to keep him from seeing them. When she presented her case to the judge, specifically stating that she wanted to protect her boys from their homosexual father; he had ruled in her favor, effectively cutting Rob off from his own children. Rob really loved his boys; but their mother has poisoned them against him. Rob had tried to contact the oldest, since he was at college; but he wouldn't even accept his father's calls and returned his letters unopened.
One of Rob's gay friends suggested that he become a sugar daddy for some young college guy. That is how he had met Rich. He fell for him at first sight. Rich knew he had Rob completely wrapped around his finger because he immediately agreed to move in with him. Rich is a California surfer guy. He's 6'5", blond, has well-toned muscles, a perpetual tan, a huge, bright smile, deep blue eyes, and an aquiline nose. Rich is an underwear model in his spare time. His buddies are also models; they are the ones Rob left him with on the beach.
Rich had been pretty blunt earlier in the day about the fact that he was leaving him; or at least that is how Rob interpreted what he'd said. He had lived up to the terms of their contract and intended tonight to be their last night together. There had been a look of longing in Rich's eyes that had confused Rob. They had made love, and it was like Rich really did love him; but Rob couldn't understand why Rich insisted things had to change.
That brought Rob to the present. Rob thought, "It's time to make my decision." Rob sat up and retrieved the pistol. He loaded the ammo clip and took off the safety. The moment had arrived. The question was - would he be able to follow through with his plan?
Rob put the gun to his head and was just about to pull the trigger when the gun was knocked out of his hand. He was so stunned he couldn't react. He looked stupidly down where the gun lay on the floor, trying to grasp what had happened.
He was suddenly pinned down on the bed and was looking up into Rich's eyes. Rob had never seen him so angry. He straddled Rob and held his arms over his head.
"I thought you might try some stunt to get me to stay; but I never imagined you would try to kill yourself," Rich said, anger making his voice hard as steel.
"Why do you care? You have already moved on with your life," Rob said.
"Do you really think I'm so callous and shallow?" Rich said. His expression showed how deeply hurt he was.
"You've made it very clear you were only performing according to the contract we signed. Now that its terms have been fulfilled, you said you were leaving," Rob responded.
Rich grew even angrier. "Are you so blind that you can't see that I love you? The reason why I was leaving is because I want us to start over. I want an equal partnership; not one where I'm your sex toy. The only way I saw I could break that paradigm was to leave you."
"But you never indicated you wanted to continue our relationship," Rob said.
"You never asked," Rich countered.
He was still pretty angry. He released Rob's arms and Rob flinched, expecting him to hit him. Seeing his reaction, Rich cursed. "Rob, don't you get it. I love you. I would never hurt you."
"Yet, you were willing to walk out of my life," Rob said.
Rich looked like Rob had stabbed him in the heart. "I never intended it to get that far."
Rob's eyes had filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Rich. I just didn't know where to turn. My only thought was that you were leaving me. The thought of living without you was more than I could bear. I love you, Rich."
Rich leaned down and kissed Rob, leaving him breathless. "That is the first kiss of the rest of your life, Rob; because you're going to marry me and we're spending a month on our honeymoon. We're going to start over as husbands, Rob, and I promise you that we will have a true partnership; one where we love and respect each other as equals."
Hearing his words sent Rob's heart into orbit. The heavy black clouds that had surrounded him were blown away by the look in Rich's eyes and the touch of his lips on his.